Enter at your own peril! Past a vaulted door lies a kitchen where impossible things may happen that the world has never seen before!
Welcome to the Superstition Kitchen. It is haunted. As you can see, you can't always see your reflection in the mirror. I guess I should say 'as you can't see', since, you know, you can't see it. Anyways, that's because the kitchen is haunted. However, it's not haunted by a dead person, it's haunted by the memory of breakfast. Well, to be more exact, the memory of breakfast and a mummy. The mummy is harmless, so we don't mention him much.
The memory of breakfast is, on the other hand, extremely dangerous. It has murdered many people. 'Is it a ghost from a particular breakfast?' you may ask. No. In fact, it's a memory of all breakfasts, or the memory of breakfasts in general - the idea of breakfast would be more like it. You know, something about how 'people don't have enough time for the most important meal of the day anymore' type of breakfast ghost. Regardless, at some point the memory of breakfast died in the world and now it's spirit resides here killing everyone that forgets it. Do not forget to eat breakfast in this kitchen.
Moving on, this kitchen will occasionally shoot money from the toaster if you cook a good casserole. It doesn't have to be a great casserole. It happens most frequently with Tuna Noodle if you really must know. Once the casserole is completed, sometimes, maybe 15% of the time, the toaster will start to spray out one hundred dollar bills. Unfortunately, the oven can only be lit by magic, so good luck cooking a casserole.
No, we will not tell you how to use magic. We don't even know ourselves, I promise. Sanjit used to know once, but he's gone now. He retired in the Bahamas with all the money he got from the toaster.
Note the kitchen's layout. Beautiful isn't? Although not the most convenient or practical of designs, the kitchen is arranged according to the strict rules of Feng Shui. Thus, having all of the appliances in a circle facing the middle of the room is optimal to free the flow of culinary chakras. This is simply the only way to cook the most delicious food. Any other layout would be bad luck and end in disaster. Still, despite the perfect balance of energy in this kitchen, there is still the chance that it will flood with jelly.
Please direct your attention to the jelly spout located in the center of the room. A very wealthy man once lived here who absolutely adored jelly. In order to have a direct and constant supply of his favorite food he installed this pipeline. We tried to shut it off in the past, but it keeps coming back. Our plumber says it has something to do with the perfect Feng Shui, and possibly the haunting. It seems to activate when the Infinity Blender is in use.
Never use the Infinity Blender. It was forged in the depths of the earth by the Time Lord wizard. His heart is as black as the very end of existence. We tried to pawn it off once. It turns out it's made out of pure unyielding insanity. This is not something the pawn shop found valuable, so we kept it. It is located by the tiny black hole next to the fruit bowl. It has been used once or twice, and each time the universe comes to an end. It was a pain in the ass. On top of that the jelly flooded the room right after. Please try to abstain from making smoothies.
You must be thinking, 'Wow, what other whimsical and unbelievable quirks will turn up next?' The answer is nothing more. In fact, this has all been a lie. The kitchen is completely normal and boring and filled with old memories of people who lived out their lives eating toast. A moment ago it used to be supernatural, but you ended all that magic with your questions. It's all your fault.
The refrigerator, however, contains those lies I told you. They are still there, nice and chilled, preserved, and waiting for you. And why not? No one has any clue as to what they were doing here in the first place.
